Locked Inside!

I have a very attractive neighbor. He's tall, fit, has dark hair with a little grey in at the front, and had green eyes. He lives in Apartment 3A, which is right down the hall from me. I've seen him a few times, exchanged a few hello's here and there, but nothing more than that.

Until Now...

I sometimes get drunk.

Very. Very. Drunk.

Friday night falls into that category. So much so that I don't remember leaving the party I was at, getting in a cab, speaking to a friend on the phone, getting into my apartment building, climbing the stairs, or stumbling into my apartment to strip down and pass out on my couch. I've had nights like that before, but not in a very, very long time.

So I woke up on Saturday with what I'm sure you can imagine was a truly heinous hangover. My head was throbbing and my body ached from the combined effects of dehydration and contortionistic sleeping. I missed the train I was supposed to be taking out to the country, so I called my sister to inform her of my little situation.

"I feel like shit. I'm not coming til later because I need to pass out again."

She understood. So I went back to sleep for a few more hours.

I woke up at 1:30 p.m. and got myself showered, watered, and fed. It was finally time to leave my apartment so I began getting my stuff together.

Cell Phone: Check!
Wallet: Check!
Beach Bag: Check!
Keys: ...

Keys: ...

Uh oh. No keys.

So I tore my apartment apart. I knew that they were somewhere inside of my apartment. After all, I was inside my apartment, and that would not be possible if my keys weren't there as well.

So I tore my bed, my couch, my laundry basket, and my closet apart. NO KEYS.

Then I think, "OMG, what if I left them in the door?!"

So I go to my front door and, like a good New Yorker, my door is locked. But it won't unlock. I try and try, and it is completely stuck. And so am I inside my apartment. From shaking the door to try and get it open, I knew my keys were there - I could hear them rattling.

So what was I going to do? My first thought was to call the Sushi take-out restaurant around the corner and have them deliver something and unlock my door on their arrival. But then I thought that would be too embarrassing, and I was on my way out and didn't want to pay for any food.

Then I thought, "I'll just go down the fire escape and start ringing my neighbors until someone lets me in." Then I looked at the ladder on the fire escape and realized I had no idea how to use it, and there are no instructions. I was not about to jump down, so I officially hit PANIC.

I went back to the door thinking maybe if I kept trying the lock would unstick. As I'm doing this I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. And I think "I'll just get someones attention! I'm saved!"

And who is that comes out of the stairwell? Why, it's none other than my super cute neighbor.

And I hesitate... I can't look like a fool in front of him! It would ruin any chance of him falling in love with me when we pass each other on the stairs because now I'd be "that boy who locks himself inside his own g.d. apartment"!!!

And then I think of remaining stuck inside... and so I knock on my door really loudly. I'm looking through my peep whole, so I see him stop and look.

"Hello? Can you hear me?" I say.

He still just stands there. So I continue "Hi, I'm on the other side of this door... I know this sounds crazy, but, um, can you help me? I think my keys are in my door..."

So he walks over and sees my keys and says "Oh yeah, there's keys in here. Do you want them?"

"Actually, if you could just unlock the door and open it....?"

So my pseudo stairwell crush opens my door, and there I am, blushing furiously I'm sure.

"Haha, thanks. Thanks so much. Really"

I'm such an idiot. He made some joke about how it's better to be locked in than locked out, which I'm sure wouldn't have been funny a) if he knew that they had been there all night long while I was passed out and alone in my apartment; and b) if I wasn't so embarrassed and had actually heard what he had said through my buzzing hangover/embarrassed haze!

So I left quickly. I haven't seen him since. But I am thinking that I should give him some sort of thank you, you know? Like a plate of cookies and a note.

Or maybe just a note. It's too damn hot here to do any baking.

"Dear Neighbor,

Thanks for rescuing me the other day. You're my Knight in shining armor!
Love,
Your hugely embarrassed and slightly In-Love neighbor in Apt 3E,

Spenc"