And The Award Goes To...

Last night was the MTV Movie Awards. I found the show entertaining, but also a bit confusing. Like, I can't for the life of me explain why the fans went ape-shit anytime the words "Twilight" or "Pattinson" were used... Don't get me wrong, I like the vampy series. But did everyone else sit through the same movie I did? Cuz it sucked. Hard.

Anyway, the awards were given out and they made me feel very old. Ashley Tisdale as breakout female? Really?! I've definitely aged out of the MTV target demographic, haven't I...

Don't answer that.

I've come up with 10 Awards from last nights event. These awards come from the red carpet action, and not from the awards or the movies themselves.

My first award is a positive one! Trust, there are only a couple of those in here.

#1) The Most Flawless Carpet Action Award

Kristen Bell

Leighton Meester

I couldn't decide between these practically perfect ladies, so it's a tie! I can't imagine anyone could disagree.

#2) The Holy Makeover Award

Taraji P. Hensen

I didn't even recognize her at first! Really, that's the old woman from Benji Button? DAYUM. Girl is workin' that dress out.

#3) The Not-So-Great but I Love You Anyway Award

Sandra Bullock

Oh, Sandy. No no no. This is not good. But I love you, and your two up coming films look brills-balls... so we're just going to let this slide. Nice try, though.

#4) The HaHa You Married a 'Mo Award

LeAnn Rimes

I know that sounds random and maybe a little mean, but you did. And that's the only thing I can ever think of anytime I see you! So there ya go.

#5) The I Want You To Think I Don't Give a F*** Award

Megan Fox

I feel like anytime I see this bitch she's working overtime on the "I'm a sexy badass" vibe. The tattoos and eternal glare = trying way too hard. We all know that you put nothing else above your sort-of fame. So give it up. And freakin' smile every now and then. Ugh.

On a side note: I thought about tying Megan with good ole Vanessa there.

I also thought about tying Vanessa with LeAnn.

Just sayin'...

#6) The I Really Don't Give a F*** Award

Kristen Stewart

She never smiles. She's notoriously rude to her fans. She shunned her co-star dash tween heart-throb a peck after winning Best Kiss. Ya, I think I would say K.Stewart truly does not give a f*** about any of it. And I kinda love her for it. What do you think of that, BriTunes? Huh?!

#7) The I Tried but Ended Up With Mom Hair Award

Shawn Johnson

No one screamed or cheered harder for you at the Olympics. And your presence ALMOST made me watch the shitshow that is Dancing With The Stars. I love you! But Shawn, babe, that hair is not okay. It's on the verge of mid-west soccer mom status, and that is B.A.D! Quit trying and just be you -- we liked you just the way you were!

#8) The Why the Hell Are You Here? Award

Terri Seymour

I had to google her to find out who she was. Simon's ex-girlfriend? Really?! Why are you getting red carpet treatment at the awards?!? Times must be rough since splitting with the handsome-in-a-mouthy-way brit.

#9) The You Never Stood A Chance Award

Rumor Willis

Lets pretend your face doesn't ruin any chance of you ever making a "prettiest" or "best dressed" list. Rumor, darling, that dress is atrocious. You are not doing yourself any favors by sporting a board game. Or a broken window. But don't feel too bad -- it's not like you had any chance anyway because, lets be honest, we can pretend all we want but that face is still there.

And the final award is another tie.

#10) The I Wish I Was Still Relevant Award

Paris Hilton

Honey, no one cares anymore. Your ship has sailed, and you should have gone with it.

And last but not least...

MTV

Wow, MTV. I feel like you've fallen so so far. High School Musical? Twilight? Really? You're trying so hard. Remember when your network used to be about music? It's sad, really. It's like the Disney Channel got a tattoo and POOF! you were born.

You hear that, Megan Fox? Tattoos do not make you cool!