Tuesday, February 23, 2010

How YOU Doin'?

Um, I'm doin' a little bit better than you I think, Matt LeBlanc...

Seriously. What the hell happened to you? You look like you're approaching the ripe old, I mean, OLE age of 60!

What's that? You're only 42?

Hm. I dig the silver fox look as much as the next guy (or girl) but you're no Anderson Cooper dude.

Might I suggest...
Up to you. Maybe you're trying to fit in to a new type cast? I know you haven't worked since the train wreck that was "Joey" but come on. This is really the way you want to go??
I'd get new reps. This is no bueno.

Friday, February 5, 2010

I Want That Job

It's no secret that my job is not something I want to do forever. My big issue is that I just don't know what I'd rather be doing. There are lots of things that I feel strongly about -- entertainment, theater, food -- but finding a lucrative career in those fields? Well, it's easier dreamed than done.

But if I were going to get to dream up my perfect job, and then make it my reality... I would totally want this guy's job!
Dear Sir,

How did you get this job, and how can I do the same? I wouldn't even care if it paid peanuts! The memories of spritzing down the gorgeous Kellan Lutz would be payment enough.

I'm just sayin'.


(PS that guy is totally touching himself. One hand in his pocket? C'mon...)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Poor Puppy

So el chisme in the office today is all about this story...


The Associated Press
Tuesday, February 2, 2010; 6:49 PM

NEW YORK -- Officials say a New York City man beat his girlfriend's dog so brutally with a belt that the animal lost its left eye and suffered six broken ribs.

Manhattan prosecutors and animal welfare officers said Tuesday that Joseph Graves beat and kicked the 6-pound Yorkshire terrier while he was pet-sitting it Jan. 16.

Joseph Pentangelo with the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals said Graves took the 4-year-old dog to a veterinarian two days later.

Graves, a Manhattan resident, was arraigned Monday on a felony charge of aggravated animal cruelty. He was released on $2,000 bail.

Defense lawyer Henry Steinglass declined to immediately comment.

Um, I used to sit next to this guy at work. F'reals. If you had told me this upper-crust frat boy was capable of nearly killing a tiny dog I don't think I'd have believed you. Just goes to show you never really know what people are capable of.

Joe no longer works here. Good ridance, I say.

So sad. I hope the puppy gets better!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

10 Things

I'm bored, so I thought I'd post 10 random facts about myself that I wouldn't otherwise share with everyone. If you're as bored as I am, feel free to read and kill some of that slowly dragging day you're living.

1) I fall asleep on my left side, but wake up on my right side. I never fall asleep or wake up on my back nor my stomach.

2) I'm a sucker for guys with dark eyes and dimples. Add in some scruff and an accent -- I'm yours.

3) I work for a woman who delights in my homosexuality. I say this because anytime a new show opens on Broadway or she hears some bit of pop-trivia she is quick to reference it. It's like she's always trying to be what she thinks I think is "hip".

4) I do not believe in "hip". I am not in high school anymore. There's no longer a "popular group". People who think/act like this drive me insane.

5) I can speak Spanish. Well, sort of. I can have simple conversations in Spanish with my co-workers, and I can understand their phone conversations when they switch languages for "privacy".

6) I like to eavesdrop.

7) I'm not a starstruck person. In fact, I feel like I'm pretty oblivious to the concept of "celebrity". I've always thought it best to just leave people alone and not run up to them on the street or ask them for a photo. Yes, I have made exceptions to this rule, but only for people that have really affected my life. So, Rachel Ray -- sorry for following you to the bathroom at that movie premiere. If you had been pretty much any other tv personality I would've left you alone.

8) I like to put cucumbers in my water. I love the taste and it makes me feel like I'm at a spa.

9) I would love to have a dog. I would also love to not have any of the responsibility that comes with having a dog.

10) I would love to own and operate a seaside B&B, where my job duties entailed cooking for guests, organizing activity packages, and throwing amazing dinner/cocktail parties for all of my fabulous friends that would come and stay. And on my days off, I would read, surf, and dive for crabs/clams etc to cook for aforementioned parties.

Ok, there you have it. 10 things you might not have known about me.

Here's an idea -- why don't you leave 10 things about you in the comments? Consider it your good deed for the day, as reading those will help me kill more of these seemingly endless hours of work.